


Iris

by KaelinRae



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Baggage, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Love/Hate, Nightmares, Sad Boi Kylo, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:06:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23682865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaelinRae/pseuds/KaelinRae
Summary: Her mind began to shut down, and she began to wander into dreams before she was even aware of it. Grass, tall and green. A lake that shimmered like diamonds. A sky cloudless and blue. Beautiful villas, full of happy and smiling people. The sun drying her wet skin. Flowers, fragrant and sweet. A voice, deep but soft, whispering to her. For what felt like hours these images kept circling in her mind. They were nothing too tangible to grasp onto, it was like flipping through a book of pictures. But these pictures elicited complicated and strong emotions of happiness, of love, of everything Rey had only wished to feel from her many years back home on Jakku. She clung to them with everything she had.“Wake up!”--------------Rey is on Ahch-To trying to convince Luke to help the Resistance and to help her understand her new found power. She begins to have dreams and to feel a familiar but unwelcome presence. Kylo Ren is trying to snuff out the Resistance all while searching for Rey and Skywalker, but he begins to dream of a place and of someone who he's supposed to want dead.(I suck at summaries, better content lies within :) )
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Dreams

So, this is my first Star Wars universe story. I’ve been thinking about this recently and have just been dying to put it down into words. I’m hoping to make it to around 40 chapters, maybe less. But it’ll be a long work in progress. I’m big on being able to imagine situations or landscapes vividly so I’m hoping I’m able to do that with my writing, and I want everything to flow well. I’m very open to criticism. I’m also not a die-hard Star Wars fan, so some of the lore may be wrong and there may be plot holes but if anyone wants to help, I’m open to it! I’m starting after the Force Awakens and making it my own, only taking some things from the Last Jedi. I’m planning to make this a slow burn, and will give warning before chapters get too heavily into the Rated M. Reviews are very appreciated! Thanks everyone for reading.

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. If I end up making an OC, I will bring that up, but so far, it’s going to focus on my two favorite characters.

Chapter One

The island was cold most of the time, with the raging winds whistling loudly in Rey’s ears, and the ocean crashing against the crumbling rocks with reckless abandon. There was a certain spot she found early on that was sheltered enough to be considered pleasant and warm, at least to her standards. It was a dangerous climb down, but she had noticed it when following Luke on one of his many wanderings across the island. She decided to let him be for once, exhausted enough to put her mission aside for the rest of the day. The first thing she did was plop down onto the soft grass and give herself a chance to breathe. Luke had been on this island for years and was very accustom to trekking across it. Rey considered herself to be in good shape, but she was more used to the endless flat dunes of Jakku. She was definitely not used to climbing jagged landscapes where one clumsy slip meant your immediate fall to death. Though she felt sweat dripping down her forehead and the multiple suns beaming on her face, the wind was relentless and she felt a chill starting to spread out to her limbs.

She took in a deep breath and wiped the sweat from her brow, eyes still focused on the small but distinguishable alcove far below her. The climb down wouldn’t be as treacherous as the climb back up from what she could tell, but she had hoped that there would be an alternate route once she explored the area more thoroughly. Having a thought, she immediately twisted her body around to see if Luke was still making his was across the path that they were following. He had moved on, and she didn’t have the energy to chase after him, since he would probably ignore her inquiries anyways. Maybe he knew something about the little alcove, maybe he had even been there before and knew a safe way around.

Rey let out a heavy sigh, feeling defeated once again. It had been almost a week of her ensuing Luke across the island, knocking on his door, pleading with him and bombarding him with questions. He had great patience apparently, and just pretended as if she wasn’t there. How much longer was she supposed to keep this up? What help was she to the Resistance if all she did was endlessly question and annoy an old man who wanted to do nothing but wander, eat, and sleep till the end of time? Rey felt herself getting agitated, so she inhaled deeply and with her exhale she stood. For now, she would focus on the task at hand. Getting down to that alcove, and maybe in the process find a quiet and suitable spot to meditate.

She may not be a Jedi or on the path to becoming one just yet because of the stubbornness of her would-be teacher, but she knew how important meditation was to the process, even if she technically didn’t know how to do it. She narrowed her eyes and found a path down that was suitable. If she managed to slip, she could slide down and land on a wide enough piece of earth that would give her enough room to stop herself from plummeting over the cliff and to her death.

Something in her told her that it wasn’t a good idea, and that she should return to the Falcon and fix herself something to eat, and her grumbling stomach agreed. Chewie would once again ask if she had made any progress, and the moment she said no, he would berate her and try to convince her of him talking to Luke instead. But she was insistent, she wanted to be the one to get through to him. Without Chewie’s help. This was her mission. She was a little surprised Luke hadn’t noticed that the Falcon was nearby. Jedis were supposed to sense these types of things, weren’t they? He also wasn’t at all concerned with how she was surviving on the island without his intervention, since this place was very new to Rey. A million questions swam through her head, but she realized she wouldn’t get any answers today.

She picked up her staff that was sitting beside her and started her descent. The ground held a lot better than she expected, and she pushed away every suspected loose rock so that she wouldn’t step there and lose her footing. She was able to face forward and walk at an angle, until at one point, her path has started to steepen dangerously, and she wondered why she hadn’t noticed this change of terrain from up top. She was forced to lay on her stomach and flatten herself against the rocky hillside. Immediately she started to feel less confident and her heart pounded against her chest.

Without thinking she let go of her staff and it rolled before skipping over a rock and landed with a loud clang on the ground below. Holding onto the staff would only have increased her chances of slipping and not being able to grasp anything to slow her fall. She refused to look over her shoulder to see how much distance was left before she reached the bottom, only because she had always been somewhat fearful of heights. Especially when her fall meant crashing into jagged rocks and a roaring ocean.

Maybe she should’ve listened to that voice in her head telling her to go back, that this wasn’t safe, that this type of recklessness threatened everything she was trying to accomplish. She looked upwards, hoping to find Luke there offering his assistance. But it was futile, she was on her own, and she had to make her way down on her own. Closing her eyes, she searched for that certain feeling inside of her that’s always been there, that feeling that’s always seemed to heighten her instincts and sharpen her mind.

Following that feeling, she laid her legs flat and grasped the dirt and rock with her hands. She began to slide slowly, feeling pain in her knees and legs. Her teeth gritted together, and she could feel a nail crack as she clung to the earth. Suddenly and without warning she could feel her legs dangle as she came to a sharp end to her descent. She gasped and reached her arms out trying to find something to hold onto, but it was too late and she was falling. Her mind blanked and panic rose in her chest, but it was only a fraction of a second before she had thudded onto the ground.

Her dilated eyes stared up at the bluish gray cloudy sky. She then sat up in an instant, her chest heaving from her scare. The terrible and deadly fall she had made was less than eight feet, and her eyes found her staff laying idly next to her. “Maker,” She breathed out, feeling silly and embarrassed beyond words. How was she supposed to become a Jedi when she couldn’t even climb down a hill without fearing for her life and tearing up her legs in the process? She hissed as she touched one of the scratches on her knee which had begun to bleed. If only Luke could see her now, she was sure he would laugh.

After a moment of self-doubt, she stood up on her wobbly legs. With a groan from the pain of impact, she picked up her staff and stepped near to the edge, mildly curious. Straight down was nothing but fierce waves and sharp rocks. Her anxiety was still present, but she ignored it as she made her way towards the alcove she had spied from above. It wasn’t hard to get to. There was a winding path leading down to it hugged the steep rock on her right side. She let her fingers trail over it as she ventured down.

Grass began to appear once again, starting out in small patches before covering the ground entirely, then it surprised her as it abruptly retreated into sand. The alcove itself was farther down then it had looked, close enough to the water that Rey could reach out and feel it on her fingers. It was enclosed by a rocky wall on the right side so she was able to enter it on the left. The ground looked smooth and was scorched in the middle, as if it has been a camp once, maybe not too long ago. Once she entered, she felt warmth return to her fingers and toes. The suns shone in brightly through the front through a clearing in the clouds, beaming down onto her face pleasantly. She couldn’t feel the wind now, though every now and then there was a ghostly breeze that tickled over her skin. She put her staff up against the right-side wall and veered out across the ocean. What was odd is that the sound of it didn’t seem to reach her ears. The crashing of the waves seized and the howling of the wind dissipated into nothing. It was almost as if she was gazing out through the window of a ship stagnant in space.

She furrowed her eyebrows and began to wonder why she had insisted on coming here in the first place. There were many other places she could’ve sat in peace. There was a perch on the highest point of the island, where the wind howled but it was warm from the suns and at night the stars were bright and the moon would glow so beautifully. There was a clearing amongst many tall trees that was brimming with energy, the smells of the bark and air pleasant and relaxing. Even in the Falcon itself there was a spot that Rey retreated to in times of stress. Especially when the engines were roaring with life, she felt relaxed, listening to the hums and vibrations of the ship. What had made her come to this spot? She couldn’t think of why, so instead decided to sit on the smooth floor of the alcove to rest.

At once she felt drowsy, as if she had just dove into a pool of warm water. The feeling was odd but nice. She smiled lazily, and the scrapes and scratches from her clumsy way down the hill no longer hurt or bothered her. Her tense and sore muscles relaxed and a soft moan of relief escaped her lips. _What is this place?_ She thought as she laid back against the hard rock and let every one of the new sensations consume her. Her eyes fluttered, but she fought to keep them open. Something wasn’t right, or was nothing wrong? Her thoughts began to jumble and it almost felt like she was spinning.

Her mind began to shut down, and she began to wander into dreams before she was even aware of it. Grass, tall and green. A lake that shimmered like diamonds. A sky cloudless and blue. Beautiful villas, full of happy and smiling people. The sun drying her wet skin. Flowers, fragrant and sweet. A voice, deep but soft, whispering to her. For what felt like hours these images kept circling in her mind. They were nothing too tangible to grasp onto, it was like flipping through a book of pictures. But these pictures elicited complicated and strong emotions of happiness, of love, of everything Rey had only wished to feel from her many years back home on Jakku. She clung to them with everything she had.

“Wake up!”

Rey gasped as her eyes sprang open. She shot up in an instant and found herself looking at Luke. He was standing at the entrance of the alcove, his hands clasped in front of him, his hood drawn. Her mind was torn from her dream, but she still could still smell the flowers, she could still feel the bliss. Once all of that faded, she looked at him with wide eyes. “What’s happening?” She asked, feeling confused and dazed by the situation. He didn’t reply right away, but looked down at her. She at once assumed that he was angry, and that maybe he would shout and tell her that she had overstayed her welcome. But his expression softened and he leaned against one of the rocky pillars that made up the entrance.

“You were led here, weren’t you?” His question didn’t make sense to her. No one led her, she came here on her own. But then she remembered her previous thoughts, wondering why she chose to come here, asking herself what made her decide to make the stumbling descent to this place?

“I don’t know,” She replied honestly, standing to meet his gaze. He removed his hood and let out a heavy sigh. He looked away from her towards the sea, his eyes unreadable but full of contemplation

“We will talk more tomorrow. Early.” His words were final as he moved past her down towards the sandy and sparse shore. Rey’s mouth fell open in amazement, but she didn’t pause any longer as she began to follow him back to the small cluster of huts that she was now going to start calling home.

There’s chapter one, not a lot going on yet, just a little mystery with Rey’s dream and the secret alcove she found. P.S. I’m going to try and update twice a week, haven’t had a lot of interest in this story so far because of the lack of chapters I’m assuming, so reviews definitely help with the inspiration to update! Thanks for reading.


	2. Reunions

Disclaimer: I own nothing still, sadly. Credit goes to Disney!

Chapter Two

Rey whipped around the side of the alcove, gripping onto the hard rock as she watched Luke lead ahead. He was finally talking to her? After all this time? What secrets did the alcove hold? What was that dream she had had? She walked lazily down towards the shore where he was trudging along in the sand. Her eyes looked forward to where they were walking, and she saw no discernable path ahead. He must know some secret way; how else did he find her so easily and without any trouble? Her limbs were tired, and her cut up knees stung from the salt of the ocean. Ten minutes passed before they began to walk up a winding path that lead from the sand. Suddenly, it occurred to Rey that the familiar feeling of her staff in her hand was absent and she stopped in her tracks. She had half a mind to call out and tell him that she needed to go back, but her aching limbs and tired mind kept her from speaking out.

She continued to follow him as the path turned into familiar green grass, and then back into rocks and dirt. He stopped for a second and took a breath as he gazed up. Rey followed his gaze from behind him and almost groaned at the sight. There were many narrow stone steps cutting into the steep and rocky hillside. Next to them were poles sticking out of the ground, there for support for any daring climber. He began to climb without hesitation, stepping in all the right spots, only grabbing onto the poles when there was a tricky step to make. Rey herself stood there at the bottom, trying to ignore the thoughts and questions that were clouding her mind. She needed to concentrate now; she didn’t need to make a mistake like the last time, her stinging cuts on her legs reminding her of her previous lack of judgment and focus. Slowly but surely, she began to climb. The steps were well set into the rock, and she had yet to step onto one that wiggled out of place.

She used the poles to her advantage and clung to them with each step. Her breath was ragged, and she refused to look down below to see how far she had climbed. Luke had already made it to the top and disappeared from her view. He wasn’t the most helpful, and Rey felt somewhat annoyed that he didn’t even wait to make sure she made it up safely. After a couple more steps her legs began to feel like jelly from the strains of everything that had happened earlier, and she stopped. Letting out a disgruntled groan she realized that the next step up was a little higher than the ones before. She wasn’t the tallest so she’d most likely have to climb up to it using her arms instead.

Trying not to lose any more momentum, she reached up with both arms and began to pull herself up. When she started to swing her leg up, she felt the stone start to dislodge from the rock. Her eyes went wide and she froze, but she couldn’t waste any more time. Both of her legs made it onto the stone as the rock and sediment keeping it there started to crumble. She panted and found that the next stone was the last one before the top, but it was just as high as the one before. Jumping up, trying to ignore her throbbing muscles, she made it and groaned as she held onto the pole stuck into the earth beside it.

The stone below her fell down, hitting the side of the rocky hill before smashing against the bottom and splitting in half. She swallowed hard and regretted watching the stone’s descent. After a moment to breathe to try and calm her pounding heart, she got to the top and fell over onto her back. Sweat was dripping down her arms and legs, and the setting suns seemed impossibly bright as they shone into her eyes. She breathed hard, letting the panic slowly ebb away. “You made it then.”

The voice startled her, so she stood up. Luke was standing there, a barely identifiable smile on his face. “Come, so we can eat and rest.” He began to walk back to the huts, which weren’t too far from where they now stood. Rey felt relieved and that was enough to get her to walk enthusiastically after him. When they made it back, a couple of short creatures wearing gray robes were stacking stones next to one of the huts. Rey hadn’t seen them before, and she watched them curiously as they began to argue in an unknown language. “What are they?” She asked Luke as he took a seat on the stone bench outside of his hut. She welcomingly sat down next to him and waited for his answer.

“Caretakers. They maintain the Jedi temples on the island,” He answered. Rey looked over and watched as they picked up a stone and attempted to fit it into a hole on the outside of the hut. When they realized it was too big, one of them screeched and smacked the other with its hand. “Jedi temples? I haven’t seen any,” Rey said curiously, still watching the creatures argue with a humorous smile on her face. Rey hadn’t made it a point to adventure too far across the island by herself, but she did notice a couple of structures dotting the landscape when she had first arrived on the Falcon. Could those be the structures he’s talking about? “Well that’s where you’re wrong, you were just in one.”

Rey turned to face him and paused for a second. “The alcove? That’s a Jedi structure?” She thought he was messing with her at first. It sure didn’t look majestic or mysterious like how she had imagined anything related to the Jedi would look. If anything, it could have been a natural part of the rock that had formed because of erosion from the wind and rain. He didn’t answer, but instead stood up and retreated into his hut. She expected the door to shut like it had so many times before, but instead she heard him rustle around inside. After a minute or so he came out with two plates, some cups, and a jug. He handed her one of the plates and she took it willingly. She didn’t realize how hungry she was until she looked down at the fish, cut into bite size pieces. She picked a piece up and chewed at it, her stomach grumbling in satisfaction. He poured them both a drink from the jug, and Rey sniffed it before taking a sip.

It was a sweet and minty drink, one she’d never come across before, but it was refreshing so she took a bigger drink the second time around. Luke had yet to touch his plate, instead retrieving some logs and throwing them in the pit. Soon, a fire roared to life in the middle. The suns had almost disappeared below the horizon by now, and there was a chill in the air, so the fire was very welcome. Rey continued to eat her fish, staring into the flames, enjoying the feeling of the heat on her skin.

“That place is strong with the Force. I discovered it a couple days after first landing here. It called to me, as it called to you,” Luke explained, finally digging into his own meal, his hood now back over his head to shield from the cold and biting wind.

“But what exactly does that mean? I’ve only recently started to feel…the Force. I was able to do things I’ve never done before,” Rey said, setting down her now empty plate. She shuddered as she thought of her experience with Kylo Ren, how she had reached into his mind. The things she saw scared her, saddened her, made her feel lost. Luke only watched her, chewing slowly, waiting for her to reveal something else. “I saw something at the alcove, well, more like I dreamed it.” Rey continued. He stopped eating at this and looked at her as she spoke. “It was a place, and it was beautiful. I could smell the flowers, feel the water on my skin, and I heard a voice. I couldn’t tell who it was, it almost sounded familiar, but it was like an echo more than anything. It’s hard to explain, even harder to understand.” When she finished talking, her eyes still staring into the fire, Luke had made it to his feet.

“Show me to the Falcon,” He said suddenly. Rey looked up at him feeling confused.

“What? Have you known that’s it been here this whole time?” He didn’t answer her but instead gathered up their dishes and took them inside. When he came back out Rey began to lead him around the huts, and down to the wide and sandy beach that the Falcon sat on. Luke paused once he saw it, and smiled, the most Rey had seen him emote since coming to the island. Chewie had a fire going and was sitting in front of it. When Rey approached, he turned and immediately began to yell at her, his arms waving around in the air. He had been worried since she was gone for so long, and assumed the worst. “Chewie, calm down! I’m fine! There’s someone here who I’m sure you’d like to talk to,” Rey said, a mischievous look on her face. Luke appeared behind her, and Chewie exclaimed, immediately enveloping the man in his big arms.

“Chewie! It’s good to see you pal!” Rey now couldn’t help the full smile that formed. Luke looked like a young man again, his eyes lighting up and his lips turning up into a wide grin. He laughed and pulled back from the Wookie. “It’s okay buddy, I know, I know it’s been a long time.” The two continued to talk, and Rey wanted to give them some space. She backed away and watched from afar, feeling genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. Happy to watch the reunion between two old friends. A familiar beeping reached her ears, and R2 came rolling out of the Falcon. Luke smiled even wider if that was possible, approaching the droid on his knees.

The history between all three of them had to be vast and meaningful, and Rey suddenly felt her smile disappear from her face. She didn’t have old friends like that, maybe besides Plutt, who definitely wasn’t considered a friend. Her somewhat satiated stomach and aching limbs reminded her of how tired she actually was. She didn’t say anything but turned and made her way into the Falcon. The quarters she had taken to sleeping in was the captain’s quarters, and she had only started to sleep there after some pushing and prodding from Chewie. She didn’t feel right sleeping there, since it had belonged to Han, but she gave in eventually, only because it was the most comfortable place on the ship.

She sat down on her cot and sighed, removing her boots and socks. The ship was eerily quiet since nothing was running. Her head hit the pillow and she looked up at the ceiling. Her clothes were still sticking to her skin from all the sweat, but she was too tired to go into the fresher and change. Her eyes began to close without much prompting, and she fell into a deep and much needed sleep.

The dream came again, this time with more detail. She was sitting in a field of wheat. The wheat flowed with the warm breeze, and the sky was clear and blue. All she felt was peace, something she wasn’t used to. She sat up on her elbows, breathing in the fresh and fragrant air. A smile was creeping onto her lips, and she closed her eyes, wanting to stay where she was forever. Lazily she laid back, putting her arms above her head, grasping at the wheat all around her. Then, her heart began to pound. Something or someone was approaching her, a presence she was familiar with. Scared of. Her eyes crinkled, still shut, and the muscles in her arms tightened as she gripped onto the ground. “No, go away,” She said quietly, not wanting her dream to be interrupted, to be ruined. It got closer, and then, she felt the presence looming over her, cold and heavy.

Rey’s eyes opened, wide with panic. She sat up in her cot, breathing heavily and hard. She looked around, searching for that presence that had interrupted her dreams. She saw nothing, but she still couldn’t slow her pounding heart. He was here, she could feel it. It was Kylo Ren.

I really liked writing this chapter, I hope everyone enjoyed reading it and I would appreciate some reviews or criticisms!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Disney owns it alllllll.

Chapter Three

Kylo sat up in his bed. He felt the force thrumming around him, powerful and dark. His heart was beating unsteadily in his chest and his fists were clenched at his sides. He scanned the room with his narrowed eyes, seeing nothing, feeling his anxiety slowly start to dissipate with time. Finally, a breath escaped his lips, and he unclenched his fists, looking down at the nail sized cuts on his palms. He looked at the blood with interest, before trying to go back into his nightmare, to remember what he had seen. His whole life, even as a kid, he had nightmares, some more common than others. He would find himself running from shadows in dark places with no sun. Screams would reverberate around him, ash would get caught in his throat so he’d choke, he’d trip over bodies barely recognizable with burns. He’d wake up screaming, clutching at his sheets, and always, no one would come to comfort him. 

The more recent nightmares were always the same. Sometimes he’d be laying waste to a village, bloodied faces clouding his vision. Other times he’d be repeatedly stabbing his father with his lightsaber, the look on Han’s face full of anguish and despair. Kylo knew how to handle those nightmares. He’d shove them into the deepest parts of his mind, and bring them out only when he needed the anger and passion to drive him forward. But this nightmare, it was different. Or was it even a nightmare? 

Everything was blurry and bright. He felt hot in his black clothes, and looked up to notice a blazing sun. He shed himself of his cloak, moving forward steadily. There was some green, and blue, and the sound of water as he waded into it. He stopped and blinked his eyes repeatedly to try and see clearer, but nothing worked to his frustration. Turning away from the water, he headed in the other direction. He shielded his face with his hands, and after a while he took off his gloves. Now there was yellow, and he felt soft and tall plants grazing his fingertips. Just up ahead, he could make out a figure lying flat on the ground. That normal panic started to set in as he approached. Would it be covered in blood, dead and unmoving? Would they wake and stare at him with wide and judgmental eyes? He got closer and slowed his movements, now being able to make out that the figure was very much alive. It was a woman, and she was stretching her arms above her head. He could make out a smile and he felt the need to get closer, to see her face. 

He felt the familiar presence of the force, but it was intensified. There was a warmth that came with it, something that he wasn’t used to personally, but had felt before in someone else. He leaned down over her, and a pleasant and exciting chill ran up his spine. His mouth opened to speak, to ask her who she was, but then she stopped moving, and she screamed. It was loud and shrill and he went to cover his ears, but the force pushed him away, and then he woke up.

Kylo swallowed thickly and ran his hands through his hair. He could still feel the presence from his dream, and he knew he had felt it before. It was strong and brimming with the light side of the force. But he didn’t want to admit to himself that it could have been her, the scavenger girl. Just the thought of her made him feel so much shame he wanted to punch something until his knuckles were raw and bloody. The small, simple nobody of a girl had bested him and embarrassed him. She didn’t understand her power, and Kylo was the only one who could help her harness it and contain it. But she had looked at him with so much hate when she had struck him down back at Ilum, she was beyond accepting anything from him. He could see it now; her hazel eyes blazing, hateful tears spilling into the snow. 

He stood up, wearing only some loose black pants. His only mirror was tucked away behind the dresser, he had put it there when he had first looked at himself sporting the angry red gash across his face. From her. He removed it from its hiding place and he set it up against the wall, gazing at his own reflection. The gash was still there, covered with a bandage that did little to keep him from feeling disgusted with himself. He hissed as he realized he was digging into his palms again, and went straight into the bathroom. The faucet let out a cool stream of water and he placed his hands underneath. He watched as the blood washed away and swirled down the drain. Part of him wanted to stand there all day with the water running. The part of him that was permanently exhausted. His head was dizzy from the lack of sleep, and his muscles ached from an entire night of tossing and turning in his bed. 

Today, the First Order was continuing its relentless hunt for the Resistance. They still didn’t have the map to find Skywalker, and Kylo assumed that the scavenger was already with him by now. There was something in the force that he had felt almost a week ago that confirmed that suspicion. He gritted his teeth and stepped into the fresher, feeling some relief from the hot water and the steam. Hux had announced the day before that they had tracked the Resistance fleet, and that they were now in pursuit. Kylo assumed they would reach the fleet soon, and he felt instant satisfaction in knowing he’d get to kill someone by the end of the day. Maybe having an outlet for some of his anger and frustration would help him get some sleep later that night. 

He scrubbed at his skin with soap, ignoring the sting from the cuts on his palms. When he left the fresher, he changed into his normal clothes, grabbing his mask and putting it over his head. He had to report to Snoke today for the second time since the destruction of Starkiller Base, who would once again criticize and punish him for his failures. The creature seemed to find joy in making Kylo suffer, but this was nothing new.

He left his quarters and walked with purpose, ignoring the thoughts of the many staff he passed on the way. He found it hard to shut out other people’s thoughts lately. Normally it took some effort to delve into the minds of others, but it was like a switch had turned on, and now it happened without his say. He didn’t mention this to Snoke, and kept it locked up in his brain along with his nightmares. “Nightmares are weakness,” Snoke had preached long ago. “Only those who have something to fear, or something to lose, have nightmares. Are you weak Kylo Ren? Do you want me to show you what true weakness is?” Kylo had assumed that the nightmares were put there by Snoke in the first place, to test him and torture him even in his sleep. The Supreme Leader had schemes in place that Kylo would never know about, and this frustrated him to no end. He never knew what to think, or what to believe. It was like living in a dark mist. A mist that he let envelop him with no resistance. 

The staff, they were all thinking the same thing the moment they laid their eyes on him. They were afraid of him, but they knew he had failed, and they thought of his failure too. Those thoughts were harder to ignore. After a couple of turns down some hallways, and a ride up in one of the elevators, he entered the dark and quiet room where Snoke held his interrogations or spat out orders and commands. The room’s ceiling looked as though it went on forever, and only some dim lights lit the walkway to the end of the room where the hologram was located. Kylo kneeled, staring hard at the floor beneath him. The hologram flickered and Snoke appeared, large and menacing, towering over every guard in the room. 

“You asked for me, Supreme Leader?” Kylo questioned, refusing to look up. There was a slight pause, then Snoke’s booming voice shook the whole room.  
“Remove that stupid mask.” Kylo immediately went to the release on his helmet and removed it, his hair still wet from the fresher and clinging to his face. “You try so hard to be like him,” Snoke commented, his voice sounding rough and his features twisting in disgust. Kylo finally stood and put his hands behind his back, still looking at the floor. “But you’ll never fulfill your potential. All you’ve done is fail!” Kylo clenched his jaw at this. “I want you to move on from your previous task,” Snoke added and this caused Kylo to finally look up, blatant shock showing on his features. “But, my lord, I will find Skywalker in time. I just need- “

Kylo screamed, feeling Snoke’s painful intrusion into his mind. “You’ve already begun to doubt yourself, I feel the shame, the hate.” Snoke closed his eyes as he continued to search through Kylo’s thoughts and probe at his emotions. “The girl, that scavenger girl. You’re worried about her. She defeated you, scarred you, and you’re afraid she’ll be more powerful than you.” Snoke laughed, an evil and hateful laugh, letting go of Kylo’s mind. Kylo fell to the floor immediately, grasping at his head as if it would help ease the pain now throbbing in his temples. “You’re going to find her. Capture her and use her, or kill her. She knows the force, and if what you’ve said is true, she’ll be with Skywalker. Then you can make up for your previous failures.” Snoke’s voice faltered for a moment. “I’ve seen your dreams. I know your fears…” Kylo’s chest heaved as he waited for more pain. But when he stood once again, Snoke was gone. 

He left the room in a hurry, his helmet pressed hard against his hip. The anger coursed through him in waves, and he felt himself biting down onto his lip painfully. He tasted the blood and longed for it, but he wanted someone else’s blood instead, he wanted that girl’s blood on his hands, staining his clothes. When in the elevator heading down, he lifted the helmet to look into it. He could vaguely see his reflection, and the bandaged scar cutting across his face. He smashed the helmet fitfully into the wall of the elevator, glass cracking and lights flickering. When it wasn’t taking as much damage as he liked, he held it in his hand and stared hard. The throbbing headache only got worse, but he focused, and with a sickening crunch the helmet contorted completely, unrecognizable. The elevator stopped and Kylo dropped the helmet to the floor, leaving it there and heading to the front of the ship to join in the hunt for the Resistance fleet.

Rey had no sleep that night. She checked every inch of the ship, peeking around corners and lifting up grates, trying to find the hidden menace who had plagued her dream. But Kylo Ren wasn’t there, and she began to think that she was crazy. I felt him, she thought to herself clutching the covers and pulling them up to her chin. She knew his presence; it was like a creeping darkness that burned through her chest and clawed at her heart. Though it was normal to fear a man like him, Rey refused to admit it to herself. She had bested him last time, slashing him across his face and chest with a weapon she had never even used before. He was lying in the snow looking up at her, with some kind of emotion in his eyes she couldn’t decipher. Then the earth split. She would’ve killed him had it not. That idea is what kept her feeling safe, but she questioned it. Would she have killed him? Would she have actually raised up Luke’s lightsaber and split him in two? 

She felt chills and a sinking feeling in her stomach at the thought and she turned in the sheets. Every attempt at closing her eyes brought back the memory of when she first met Kylo Ren. The mask unnerved her, and she felt scared the moment she opened her eyes on the interrogation table. She was bound and the air was cold, panic rose in her chest the moment she understood her predicament. Fear caused her voice to quake, but when she found the courage to spit harsh words back at him, he removed the helmet. His eyes were dark and deep, like if she stared at them too long, she would be sucked in. His face was dotted with birthmarks, and his skin was porcelain pale. He had full lips and a strong jaw. Rey immediately looked away from him, unsure and not really believing that this was the evil man who tormented the galaxy. He got closer to her and her heart almost stopped when he leaned in, inches from her face. 

Rey sat up in her bed after a while and let out a groan. She didn’t want to be thinking of him. He made her feel sick, and the fact that he was still out there, scheming to find her and Luke, didn’t help ease any of the anxiety she was having. Inhaling deeply and closing her eyes, Rey tried to commune with the force, hoping to find some answers in it, or maybe even some peace. She wasn’t trained in it, she wasn’t even sure she was doing it right, or if she even knew what to do in the first place. But it helped her feel calmer, and sometimes she was able to picture the force around her, as if it was manifesting right in front of her eyes.  
Her eyes were crinkled shut and she felt her palms start to get sweaty. She wasn’t getting far enough into the meditation, and she felt herself starting to get agitated. Her focus was off, she was tired, and the stress of the day was beginning to wear on her. But she wanted to find that peace, she needed to find it. Her breathing was starting to get more even, and she relaxed the muscles in her face. She reached out, trying to find the force, trying to recreate that feeling she got when she was able to reach it. The hair on the back of her neck stood up, and there was a humming noise, like there was a piece of machinery that had just been turned on. Just like that, it felt like she was being pushed out, and she opened her eyes slowly. It was her least successful session yet, and all that humming noise did was give her a small headache in her temples. She looked around, trying to find a source for it, but it was gone. Rey forced herself to lay back down in her bed and close her eyes. She may not sleep tonight, but she’d lay there till morning, and hopefully Luke would help her understand just what was happening to her.

I found it kind of hard to write Kylo’s part. I feel like he’s such a complex character and it can be difficult trying to show all the sides of himself. I hope I did a good job, I certainly tried haha. Review please! Next chapter should be coming soon.


	4. Haunted

Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing ☹  
Rey woke up to an incessant chirping. She was groggy and grumpy to say the least. After staring wide eyed at the ceiling for most of the night, she finally found a comfortable enough position that coaxed her to fall asleep despite her anxious mind. Now she was being woken up by a round little pudgy bird with wide and sad eyes. Rey eyed the creature curiously as she sat up on her elbow. “What a cute and annoying little thing you are,” She said, watching amused as it continued to stare at her blankly.

For a moment, the events of last night were forgotten and she was simply in a state of being content, watching as the bird teetered on its legs. The bird eventually got bored with her presence and disappeared somewhere in the ship. Rey let out a small sigh as she stood up and stretched her arms above her head. She had managed a couple hours of sleep, but it obviously wasn’t enough as she rubbed at her tired eyes.

The refresher inside the ship wasn’t the best, but the water was warm enough that once it hit her back, she let out a pleased sigh. She took a longer time than usual washing her hair, reveling in the feeling of her hands massaging her scalp. The minute she stepped out she grabbed for the towel she had set on the sink. Then she dried off her body before dressing into a basic pair of gray pants that were high on her midriff, and then she put on a matching top that was cropped with short sleeves. The material was a little scratchy, but she ignored it as she tried to brush through her wet hair with her fingers. She put half of it up in a bun, leaving the rest down to fall over her shoulders. Back on Jakku, she had cut her hair every month or so to keep it at its normal length, but with the recent and chaotic change of events she had neglected trimming it.   
After making sure her wraps were tight around her arms, her next move was to grab her staff. That’s when she remembered she had left it back at the alcove where Luke had found her dozing off. With a palm to her head and a groan, she exited the Falcon, eager to start the day and forget about her dream from last night. Chewie was nowhere to be found, and from what Rey could tell she guessed that it was early morning. There was still a chill in the air, and it was unnervingly quiet other than the crashing of the waves on the rocks. 

After a peaceful moment of breathing in the fresh air, she made her way up to the huts. Luke’s hut was still dark, no light shining from underneath his door or in his windows. There was another hut with the door open and a loud snoring coming from inside. Rey approached the entrance and peered in, letting out a small laugh. She found Chewie who was draped over a bed that was almost two times too small for his large frame. Rey didn’t want to bother him so she backed out of the doorway silently. 

For no real reason, Rey decided to take a walk towards the large cluster of trees north of the island. She hadn’t been there since she first arrived, and had found it when following Luke as he went to place traps for any small game that might happen to run by. There was also a clearing in the trees that Rey was drawn to. It reminded her of the alcove, she realized. Standing in it felt like standing in a bubble. Sounds were muted, the wind was calm and the air buzzed with electricity. 

As soon as she made it to the outline of trees, she stopped dead in her tracks. She started to feel funny, like there were eyes on her. Her head started to spin and her heart was hammering in her chest. She had the sudden urge to run in the opposite direction, but it faded after a moment. What was that? Rey thought as she continued into the crowding of trees cautiously. 

The trees eventually started closing in on her and they began to censor her view of where exactly she was heading. There was a quiet wisp of a voice calling out to her, insisting that she must maintain her current path. It surprised her to hear it, but she didn’t stop moving forward. It felt almost instinctual, like whatever was guiding her was something she couldn’t help but to obey. Out of nowhere her heart started to pound and she was nervous. She was reminded of her time back on Takodona, when she was called to Luke’s lightsaber. But this time it was different. It almost felt like whatever was at the end of her path wasn’t anything she’d actually want to discover. At one point she stopped in between some trees to take in her surroundings, unsure of where she had ended up. 

There was that humming noise again from the night before, and it was much louder. Rey looked around quickly, trying to find the source. Goosebumps covered her entire body and she gasped from the unexpected sensation. That’s when she saw a figure in between some trees, only a couple of feet away. After a moment of staring, and realizing that she wasn’t seeing things, she froze in place as she made eye contact with Kylo Ren. 

He towered over her, dark and imposing and as still as a statue. His hair was a little longer since she last saw him, and she noticed immediately how tired he looked. His skin was paler and he now had a bandage placed neatly across his face. Underneath it was the scar she had given him. His eyes twitched a little as he looked down at her, his mouth opening slightly as if he was going to speak.

Rey didn’t give him the chance as she finally put together a coherent thought and backed away from him in a hurry, her eyes growing wide. She didn’t have any weapons on her, so her best chance was to run away and reach Luke and Chewie. He did nothing, he just stared at her with a vacant expression that didn’t communicate to her his intentions. It annoyed her, and she suddenly felt the confidence to speak.  
“How are you here?” She asked, her voice wavering a bit. There was a moment of pause as he contemplated her. 

“How are you here?” He repeated back to her. Her eyebrows raised a little in question, and she found herself unsure of how to reply. “Can you see where I am?” He asked, finally breaking eye contact and looking around as if he was searching for something.

Rey furrowed her eyebrows and clenched her fists. “Are you trying to be funny? Right now?” She couldn’t understand his behavior, and it did nothing to help settle the anger she felt towards him. He was now looking at her like she was the one who was clueless, confusion causing him to raise his eyebrows. Slowly he walked towards her as his expression became neutral once again, and her breath caught in her throat. 

“I just see you.” He said plainly, and that’s when she noticed a large bed behind him. The trees and forest floor were gone and he was now standing in a room with dark and shiny floors and walls. He was on a ship, in his personal quarters probably. Rey’s eyes were drawn to a mirror in the corner that stood shattered and was leaning against the wall. Everything else about the room was immaculate and clean, there nothing was out of place. “Can you see where I am?” He asked her again, this time with a little more bite in his voice. This was definitely not normal, how was she able to see him when he was more than likely thousands of lightyears away? How was any of the possible? 

“Yes.” She felt overwhelmed by the confusing situation, and by his presence. It was the same presence that she had felt in her quarters last night, that she merely dismissed as paranoia. But now here he was, looking at her like she was a ghost. She couldn’t stand him looking at her like that. “You’re a monster,” She spat out, wanting to release some of the anger that was pent up inside her. He didn’t react besides pressing his lips together tightly. “This is a curse,” Rey continued, looking away from him. 

It occurred to her that maybe she was being punished. She thought about killing him often, especially after she almost succeeded. She was obsessed with the thought, wondering to herself if she actually would have done it. But now fate decided to put him in front of her, baring the scar that she gave him. 

“Where are you? Where is he?” Kylo had abruptly ignored her insults, and now looked like he was seeming with rage. He took another step towards her but Rey just matched him with a step back.

“You’ll never find us. Go away,” She retorted, glaring at him. He clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes as he continued to walk towards her. Rey looked away after a moment, his gaze being too intense and making her uncomfortable. Her emotions were all over the place and her anxiety was causing her confidence to waver. He was closer to her now, and Rey could smell a mix of his sweat and the earthiness of his shampoo. Her eyes were drawn to his ungloved hands as they clenched, and she noticed a couple of shallow cuts on the knuckle of his right hand, a little blood trickling down his index finger. 

“I have no control over this,” He said simply, stopping in his tracks. Rey was now backed up against a tree, her fingers digging into the bark behind her. “You need to pay. You will.” Rey finally looked up at him to meet his gaze. Some of his hair clung to his forehead, and his eyes were dark as they slowly trailed down to her mouth then down to her neck. Her heart skipped a beat, her face getting hot.

“Fuck you,” She said harshly. His eyes raised to meet hers, and before she was could gauge his reaction he was gone. Rey breathed out heavily, trying to calm her heart which was thudding loudly against her chest. She slowly slid down the tree and sat on the grassy forest floor. What was she going to do now?

If Kylo was trying to fool her and he had actually appeared to her by choice, then that meant that he was close to figuring out how to find her. If he could eventually see her surroundings, that might be enough for him to recognize the planet. But if he was telling the truth, and he was just as confused about the phenomena as she was, then someone or something else was doing this instead. Someone or something she had no knowledge of. 

Rey sat there for awhile longer, no longer aware of the pull that had brought her here in the first place. She wondered if Kylo appearing to her was related to it, but a part of her decided that there was no connection. The pull was dark, but it wasn’t Kylo’s darkness. It was something different.

Rey sighed heavily and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the tree. What was she supposed to say to Luke about the pull? That almost nonexistent voice in her head calling out to her? She couldn’t even imagine trying to relay all of that information to him, and especially when she couldn’t even understand what was happening herself. She decided against bringing it up, and when she finally learned more about it, she could tell him, and hopefully gain his insight as well.

Part of her was okay with believing that it wasn’t wrong not to tell him, but another part knew she was actually just afraid to tell him. She wasn’t very familiar with the force, but she was sensitive to it enough to feel the differences between the light side and the dark side. And whatever had called her into the forest today definitely wasn’t anything good.

Bringing up Kylo wasn’t something she was willing to do either. Luke and his nephew had a strained history to say the least, Rey not knowing much about it other than what Leia had told her. And if Kylo was so hellbent on finding Luke, there had to be a good reason, regardless of his position in the First Order. 

Rey stood up after realizing that it was probably time to head back to the huts to finally talk with Luke. She’d have to put everything that had just happened behind her, and go back to focusing on her mission for the Resistance, and on learning more about her abilities. She took one more look across the forest where Kylo had appeared to her before pushing through a couple branches and making her way back to the huts. 

Her eyes were so intense when she looked at him. Every emotion she was feeling was more than obvious swirling around in those pools of green. She was angry, confused, and fearful. Her body was almost trembling as she moved away from him. And she had called him a monster. That’s what he was, a monster. He knew this. He’s always known this. Kylo stood completely still as he glared at the door of his quarters. That’s where she just was, the scavenger. 

He had been lashing out just minutes before it happened. After coming back from the mission of chasing after the Resistance fleet, he couldn’t help but to slam his fist into that mirror he had hid away, and relish in the pain of it. He had a chance. A chance to kill his mother, to get revenge on the woman who sent him away and who’d rather fraternize with politicians than be with her own son. The woman who neglected him and was scared of him, who gave up on him the first chance she got. But even with his thumb hovering above the trigger, ready to blast her and everyone else to hell, he paused. He could feel her, she was trying to reach him. She was trying to find him in the force and he got distracted, for a moment he couldn’t do it. Then one of his flanking pilots did the deed instead. And Kylo stared woefully as part of the ship exploded, and then she wasn’t trying to find him anymore.

He immediately turned back, and once docking, stormed to his quarters and ripped off his cloak. He was weak, and Snoke knew it. Everyone knew it. He gripped at his hair, wanting to yank it out by the roots. Tearing off his gloves he grabbed the mirror out of its spot and set it against the wall, looking into it. It was only half a minute before he couldn’t stand the reflection anymore and he slammed his fist into the glass. It shattered and shards fell to the ground below him. He exhaled heavily, and sat on the floor, looking at the separate pieces as he tried to regain control over himself. 

He never did have good control, and Snoke compared him to a bumbling child on more than one occasion. A child who lashed out when nothing went his way. A child who gave into every passion and feeling of anger or spite only to let it burn him from the inside out. He lowered his head and closed his eyes, reaching out to the force. He hadn’t done this for a while. Actually, he hadn’t done this at all, not since the night he destroyed Luke’s temple. He could feel the light side of the force just within reach, begging to calm him and center him, to give him back that control he severely lacked. Once he was close enough that all he had to do was give in to the light, he pushed it away and let out a heavy grunt. He was weak, always weak. Snoke knew it, everyone knew it. The darkness swirled around him again, covering him like a dark blanket, and he let it.   
After a while his mind started to clear and he stood slowly, looking down at his bloodied knuckle. He moved to pick up the glass pieces, but then he was turning around, a humming in his ears and a chill up his spine. He knew she was there before he even saw her. 

She was looking at him like he was holding a lightsaber to her throat. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was open, and her chest began to heave from panic. He opened his mouth to question her but she began to back away as if being near him would burn her. After a long moment of silence, she asked, “How are you here?” 

Kylo didn’t understand what she meant, repeating her question back to her, “How are you here?” She looked at him as if he just spoke a language she didn’t understand. There was no way she’d be on the ship, no matter how strong in the force she was. No, this was a vision. A force vision like he’s read about before, but something different. “Can you see where I am?” She let out something close to a scoff in reply.  
“Are you trying to be funny? Right now?” She asked, anger causing her volume to increase. He stared at her, not able to tear his eyes away. Whatever was happening, she was here in front of him now. Maybe not physically, but it was her and she was here. He began to approach her but stopped once she backed up again. 

“I just see you,” He replied, and she let out a shaky breath. Then she was looking around, as if she could see something behind him. He never looked over his shoulder. “Can you see where I am?” He asked her again, beginning to feel impatient. Her gaze returned to him and she paused before answering.

“Yes,’ She said quietly. All of a sudden, her eyes flared and they narrowed at him. “You’re a monster.” Her voice was deep, and she glared at him hatefully. He felt the sting of her words, and he wish that he hadn’t. He hated her. She made him weak with every breath she took, with every single word she said. He wanted to give into the temptation to try and hurt her, but the temptation was fleeting and instead he watched her thoughtfully. 

“This is a curse,” She continued, looking away from him and down to her feet. She looked defeated, as if he was there to haunt her for the rest of her life. But wasn’t she here to haunt him? 

“Where are you? Where is he?” He asked, trying to ignore the things she just said. He walked towards her, standing up straight, wanting to intimidate her with his size. She preceded to tell him that he’d never find her or Skywalker, and that she just wanted him to go away. She was uncomfortable, he could see it in her eyes, the way they’d shift between him and the ground as if she couldn’t stand to look at him any longer. 

“I have no control of this.” She was now backed up against something as she stopped, almost hitting his door from his point of view. “You need to pay. You will.” She needed to pay for scarring him, for denying him, for making him weak. Maybe once he ended her, he would no longer lie awake at night feeling so tortured. Maybe some of his pain would dissipate and he’d be able to look at himself in the mirror. But inside he knew nothing would change. He’d always feel this way.

He stopped in front of her. She hadn’t been looking at him until now, meeting his gaze with some fear and confusion. He’d only ever been this close to her once before. But now he found himself paying particular attention to her features. Her lips were slightly parted and full. Her eyes were hazel and shiny as she looked at him with a bewildered expression. Her nose had freckles sprinkled over it as well as on her cheeks. His eyes were drawn to her mouth, her jaw, and then to her neck where he could see her pulse thrumming under her skin. She tensed before cursing at him. He looked up at her once more before she had disappeared.   
The pain of his hand is what brought him out of his thoughts. He moved towards his sink to once again wash some blood down the drain. The rest of his clothes were removed as he opted for putting on nothing but a pair of loose pants before crawling into his bed. He laid on his side with his eyes open and focused on the door where the scavenger had appeared, a headache forming in his temples, the glass from the mirror still scattered on the floor.

By the time Rey had made it back to the huts, Chewie was no longer sleeping and had joined Luke in cooking breakfast. He was cooking some eggs on a skillet over the fire while Luke was messing around in his kitchen, making a whole lot of noise. Rey greeted the Wookie who was happy to see her, roaring happily. She took a seat on the other bench, watching as he pushed the eggs around with a large fork. Luke soon emerged from his hut with some cups full of thick blue liquid. Rey looked at it questioningly before taking one. She looked down into the cup and felt her stomach start to churn at the thought of drinking it. Luke on the other hand no problem chugging it as some of it dripped down his beard and into his lap. Chewie did the same and Rey watched them suddenly feeling nauseous. She set her cup down beside her and hugged her knees to her chest.

They all ate quickly, Chewie devouring his eggs before leaving to go back to the Falcon. Rey pushed her plate aside and waited for Luke to speak, staring into the fire. “This whole time you’ve been talking and I wouldn’t listen, but now that I’ll listen you don’t say anything,” Luke said after a couple of minutes. Rey looked to him and knew that she was still caught up with what happened in the forest.   
“I have a lot on my mind,” She replied, and it wasn’t a lie. Luke didn’t seem satisfied by her answer but he still changed the subject.

“You said before your name is Rey. Just Rey?” He asked, eyeing her curiously. Rey nodded, becoming nervous like she normally did when who she was and where she was from came up. That conversation always ended up leaning toward where her family was too, and she definitely didn’t want to talk about that. “Where are you from?” Luke continued, and Rey let out a small sigh before answering.  
“Jakku, nowhere special,” She replied and Luke laughed at that. 

“You’ve said you were sent by the Resistance. How did you come to join them?” He was looking at her clothes now, and it was true that she didn’t really fit in with the typical Resistance rabble. 

The story was a long one, and she was sure he would have many questions. It seemed he was very intent on keeping the conversation going in this direction. “I’m not apart of the Resistance technically, I…” She trailed off, trying to think of the right words. “I’m just a scavenger from Jakku with no family, I got caught up in the Resistance, by accident I guess you would say. Your sister, Leia, sent me here to find you and ask for your help. The First Order is threatening the entire galaxy and the galaxy needs the last of the Jedi. We need you.”

Luke contemplated her words for a moment before speaking. “Why did they send you? If you’re just a scavenger from nowhere special who’s not even truly part of the Resistance?” 

Rey paused and swallowed hard, knowing the conversation would lead here eventually. “I can influence the minds of others, and I can feel the force, I just don’t know what to do with it.” The wind was starting to pick up, whipping Rey’s hair across her face. She watched him and waited for him to say something, but he only looked away and into the distance. “I need you to teach me the ways of the Jedi. I need your help.” 

Luke scowled and Rey wondered why he was so bothered. “The Jedi are dead. They need to stay that way.” Rey raised her eyebrows. This was not what she was expecting. “I cut myself off from the force, that’s why I didn’t sense the Falcon. Then when I found you yesterday and realized later that you were force sensitive, I opened myself back up to it so I could feel your power.” This was all new to Rey, she didn’t know it was possible to cut yourself off from the force, and she wondered what had happened to Luke to make him do it in the first place. “You do need a teacher. Your power is untapped but it is there.” Luke was standing now and Rey followed suite. She looked at him eagerly, feeling some sense of accomplishment for the first time since arriving at the island. “I’m no longer a Jedi. I will not teach you the ways of the Jedi. You will only learn the ways of the force,” He finished, looking at her so close so that he could make sure she understood what he was saying.

Rey nodded. “Yes, I understand.”   
“First things first. Go retrieve the weapon you left behind. You’ll need it,” Luke said turning and heading into his hut, quickly shutting the door behind him. Rey looked at the wood of the door and felt a mix of emotions. She was happy he agreed to teach her, but apparently, they weren’t in a hurry to start. Now she had to focus on climbing down those damn stone steps back to the alcove without breaking her neck. Couldn’t she catch a break? Or was she doomed to climb across the island until she either left the planet or fell to her death?

She made it back to the steps easy enough, already feeling weary because of the grueling pace of the last couple days. Her fear of heights felt renewed as she gazed down to look at the steps. The one that had fallen the day before was already replaced, and she swallowed thickly. Slowly, she made her way down. There were no issues surprisingly, and when she reached the bottom, she felt no relief, knowing she still had to climb back up. The walk to the alcove didn’t take long, and when she approached the entrance, she let out a small sigh. The sky was starting to darken, and lightning flashed menacingly overhead. She hurried inside just as it started to rain. It pounded against the ground and against the rock of the alcove. Inside, the sound of the rain was muted as well as the sound of thunder, it was almost peaceful. She could see how merciless the rain was, and knew she’d have to wait for it to pass. There was no way she was climbing back up safely with this storm.

Glaring a little at her staff in the corner, she grabbed it and sat on the floor and against the back wall. She watched the ocean as the waves roared, and sand was being whipped around in the air. Suddenly she began to feel drowsy like she did the day before, this time being able to focus on the feeling of the force flowing around her. Her eyes closed slowly, and all her muscles relaxed as she gave into the sweet lull of sleep.   
It was the same place as before. She could tell by the smell of the air. She was perched on top of a green hill, overlooking the lake as it shimmered from the sun. Her mouth opened in a wide smile, remembering how wonderful it felt to be here. The sun was warm on her skin and she realized she was wearing a flowing blush pink dress. She’d never seen the dress before, and it was definitely not something she’d wear even if she had the choice. Her fingers grazed the fabric and it was light and soft. 

She was on her feet after a couple minutes, and continued to look at her surroundings. There was green as far as you could see, with rolling hills and fields of flowers and wheat. The lake was large and there was a palace on the other side of it. 

Suddenly, there was a chill in the air. Her smile retreated from her face and she moved to turn around, but felt frozen to the spot. There was someone behind her. He moved closer, and then she could feel his chest pressed lightly up against her back. “Just when I thought I’d rid myself of you, here you are.” His voice was low and gruff. Rey felt his presence engulf her completely. Dread sat in her stomach and her eyes watered. Feeling the will to move she turned around to look at him. Different from before, she didn’t step away. This was a dream. He definitely wasn’t here. This wasn’t actually him.

“How do you think I feel?” She whispered, gazing up at him like she’d never done before. “Why are you always here? In my head?” He didn’t answer, only watching her as her hands gripped the fabric at her sides. “What is it that you want from me? To kill me? Because I hurt you? Because I wouldn’t let you teach me? Or just because you’re a monster? Tell me!” Her hands were thrust upwards with the intent of pushing him away but he grabbed ahold of her wrists. 

She stopped and glared at him darkly before becoming completely aware that he wasn’t wearing his usual clothes and was instead wearing loose fitting pants and a dark gray shirt. He looked so different, and the look he was giving her now was unrecognizable. He looked unsure, his lips turned down into a small frown and his eyes shiny. “I don’t know what I want from you,” He replied. Rey began to feel anxious. 

“This is…actually you?” She asked quietly, no longer paying attention to the fact that he was gripping onto her wrists. 

“Yes,” He replied, his face becoming neutral at the same moment that he let go of her. 

“What is happening?” Rey asked with a desperate edge to her voice. She was beyond frustrated, and the fact that he was here in her dream and she was talking to him and he could touch her just brought up a million more questions. 

He wasn’t looking at her now, instead looking out towards the lake that was behind her. She thought she saw a flash of recognition in his eyes but it was gone before she could really be sure. “Do you know where we are?” She questioned. He looked at her quickly and shook his head. “Ben.” She stepped towards him without thinking and he fixed her with an angry stare, backing away from her. Her mind raced as she realized she called him by his birth name. Part of her wanted to apologize, and the other part wanted to wake up immediately. Before anything else was said he was gone, and she was left there alone. Her heart pounded against her chest, and she sat back down into the cool grass. How does one fear their own name so much? And why did she call him that? He wasn’t Ben Solo anymore, he was Kylo Ren now. 

She could sense the force start to pull her from her dream, so she laid back onto the grass and closed her eyes. She woke up slumped against the floor of the alcove, her legs curled up to her chest. Groaning lightly, she sat up and rolled her shoulders. 

Now it seems that he’s been there all along, in her dreams of that place which neither of them could name. Was it his dream too? Were they actually capable of sharing dreams? Whatever was happening between them had Rey feeling doubtful of everything she was doing. She was connected to him now, she knew this. He wasn’t going to go away with a wish. At this thought, her head started to hurt and she felt a strong surge of emotion wash over her. Anguish, and pain. And it was his anguish and pain, she knew it.

With no energy and will to get up, even though the rain had stopped, Rey sat there on the floor and stared blankly ahead, completely overwhelmed. Her heart was aching, and she tried so hard to block it all out, but a part of her held onto the feeling. For what felt like hours she sat there and shared his pain, tears silently falling down her cheeks.

This chapter took me FOREVER, and it was double the length of what I normally write. I wanted both POV’s with them first meeting, and that was grueling enough. I’m not entirely sure if I’m 100% happy with this but it was really fun to write. Next chapter I’ll try to go more into the force connection and my interpretation of it. Btw thanks to all who reviewed and liked the story! I really appreciate it.


	5. Scars

“Ben..”

Her voice resounded in his head as he woke up panting on his bed. It was like a smack to the face, and the old memories that he had buried deep all those years ago came bubbling to the surface and blinded him completely. He heard his mother singing to him soothingly when he cried as a child, clutching onto a skinned knee after he had fallen. He heard the sound of his father’s ship taking off, leaving him feeling abandoned and lonely. He could almost smell the perfume his mother would dab on her wrists before she’d leave him with his nanny, smiling at him and always promising him that she would be back soon. He could feel his father’s arms around him as he picked him up and hugged him after returning from a month-long journey. 

Kylo didn’t move, his eyes blank and staring at the ceiling as he tried to sort through all of his emotions. There were bad memories, reminding him of a time where he felt so lonely even though he was surrounded by people, but then there were other memories, happy ones. He could remember the blissful ignorance he felt as a child, and how he believed everything his parents told him was to be true. He idolized his father, and loved his mother. Young Ben Solo was nothing but an affectionate and obedient child. Until that one night that felt like so long ago.

There was a storm, it wasn’t the worst one he’d ever experienced but he had woken to the sound of booming thunder. He was around six or seven years old, and was clutching at his sheets waiting for the storm to subside. Then there was a voice, talking to him gently. But this wasn’t the voice of someone present in the room. It was the voice of someone in his head, whispering. It had told him to master his fear. To use his fear, and with it become strong. Little Ben Solo didn’t know what this voice was or what it meant, but he had listened to it all night before falling asleep, the storm still raging angrily outside.

And then the voice was with him every day. New memories came to light, of Ben getting older and moving things without touching them. He somehow was always able to sneak away from his nanny, and she’d have occasional lapses of memory and would often be confused. Once, Ben was angry, and he couldn’t remember why. All anyone knew was that he had someone broken every single glass fixture on the upper floor simultaneously, all while sitting on his bed glaring at his door.

Kylo remembered the looks he’d get after that. Everyone was scared of him, especially his parents. Then everything was pain, and unhappiness, and anger. He didn’t always mean to do those things; he didn’t always want them to happen. But they did, and he couldn’t convince anyone otherwise that it wasn’t under his control. His parents thought that they knew what was going on, and they sent him to his Uncle, who misunderstood him even more. 

He fears you, the voice told him. He’s afraid that you’re stronger than him, that’ll you’re be more powerful than him.

Then Luke tried to kill him one night, confirming everything that the voice was telling him. Ben couldn’t handle this, and he gave way to his anger, and in a moment of complete fury, he killed the others. Their screams were always in his nightmares. They were always so loud, so full of desperation. But most importantly, that night he killed Ben Solo. And he became Kylo Ren.

“Ben..”

“No!” Kylo jumped out of his bed and clutched his head. He wanted so badly to forget again, but she had done something to him. Rey had done something to him. She was the one who made him remember, with her voice saying his forgotten name like it was the most natural thing in the world.

She had been in his dreams all along, she was that woman lying in the field, that voice screaming out at him. But something had solidified, and now they were connected in a way that neither could understand. Still fresh in his memory, he could vividly see the look on her face as she lashed out. Her eyes were full of unshed tears, her hands were being thrown up in frustration. “What do you want from me?” She asked, bolting towards him intending to push him away. He grabbed her instinctively and that’s when he noticed the way she was dressed. The light pink dress, flowy and sheer and showing far too much. He refused to let his gaze fully drop, but his grip lessened on her wrists as he had the sudden urge to not want to bruise her soft skin.

Swallowing sharply, he told her the truth, “I don’t know what I want from you.” And that’s when he could truly accept it and believe it himself. He didn’t know if he wanted to kill her or harm her or scare her away, he wasn’t sure how to feel towards her at all. Her eyes softened at his admission and when he let her go, she seemed to realize something. 

“This is actually you?” 

“Yes.”

“What is happening?” She was looking at him for answers, even though he had none. For the first time his attention was taken from her and he was looking behind her towards a palace in the distance. That’s when he felt his hidden memories trying to resurface, clawing at his brain. Then she said his name, and it was over. He pushed himself away from her with desperation, and that’s when he woke up. 

For a long time, he wondered why he felt drawn towards the scavenger. He had always assumed that it was because she was a fellow force user. But after she had pushed back and invaded his mind at Starkiller Base, it was like something had clicked. He could feel her force presence all the time, though dim from being lightyears away. Then he started having those dreams, and she had appeared to him in his room, and now he could even feel her emotions. At the moment, wherever she was, she was confused, and overwhelmed, and there was some other emotion barely there that he couldn’t identify. 

He paced before sitting on the floor up against his bed, trying to keep himself from breaking any further. It had taken years to bury Ben Solo, and a simple girl had somehow brought memory of him back just by saying his name. My name? Kylo thought, reopening the wounds on his knuckle from clenching his fists so hard. But she wasn’t just a simple girl, was she? No, she was powerful, and good, and she thought he was a monster. “I am a monster,” He said out loud, gritting his teeth and letting his pain engulf him completely. Without much thought he opened his mind, and moments later he could feel her reacting through their connection. He wanted her to feel how he felt, to bleed how he was bleeding, to fully understand why he was the person he was. 

Years of isolation and loneliness and self-doubt, and she was the one he wanted to share himself with. Kylo knew at that moment that he wouldn’t be the same, and he wondered why he had let this happen to him. He was weak, he was so very weak.

\----

After what felt like an entire day of sleeping hunched over on his floor after dealing with the powerful onslaught of emotions, there was an abrupt knock on Kylo’s door. Normally, no one would dare bother him in his personal quarters. But he had been absent from his duties for far too long after the incident with the Resistance fleet and his mother. The Supreme Leader wouldn’t be happy that he stayed so long hidden away, automatically seeing it as weakness and for him to mourn in secrecy. 

Snoke had a knack for seeing into Kylo’s mind, he had been doing it since he was a child. He could sense his emotions, and sometimes reveal target thoughts and fears. But Kylo was strong enough in the force to hide some things away, and what was happening between him and Rey was something he wanted to keep hidden. 

Begrudgingly he stood up and sauntered over to his door, unlocking it with the keypad and glaring as it opened up. Hux stood there, his normal sneer plastered across his face with no subtly. “When will you be joining us?” He asked, getting straight to the point. Kylo watched as his eyes attempted to peer into his room and he immediately blocked him with a broad shoulder.

“I’ve been preparing,” Kylo replied, glaring at the man darkly. Hux looked at him closely before letting out a small huff as if he wasn’t satisfied with the answer. The man believed because he held such a high position that he could get away with such indiscretions, and normally he wouldn’t, but Kylo was going to let him this time. 

“It can’t be too hard for a man such as yourself to find the dirty old Jedi and some junkyard whore.” Kylo hadn’t been paying too much attention to Hux, but now his eyes were fixed intently onto him as he spoke. “She should have been executed as soon as she refused to give us any information, but you have your little obsession…” Hux trailed off, waiting for Kylo’s reaction. 

“What are you trying to do?” Kylo asked simply, gritting his teeth. “You want me to kill you?” 

Hux only laughed at that. “You won’t kill me. You’re already losing your credibility around here Ren.” He wasn’t wrong. Ever since Starkiller, Kylo had done nothing but mope about and destroy things, constantly reminding himself of his failures. “Snokes already getting tired of you, and it seems he also has an interest in this girl.” Kylo didn’t know where he was going with this. “Maybe he senses the dark in her, and sees her strength, and power. Perhaps, he wants her to replace you.”

“I won’t kill you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t hurt you,” Kylo said slowly, just to show the man that he was completely serious. Hux’s smirk never faltered.  
“Ah of course. Debriefing is in fifteen minutes,” He said, not hesitating before leaving down the hallway.

Kylo stepped back and let the door close, staring at it for a second. He hadn’t even checked the chrono, and when he did, he realized it had been almost twelve hours since he had woken up from his shared dream with Rey. He cringed a little at her name, not feeling right thinking of her as anything other than the scavenger. 

He immediately stepped into the refresher and quickly cleaned himself off, not even bothering to run his fingers through his wet hair to detangle it before throwing on his clothes. The thought of having to listen to more drabble from other senior officers of the First Order had him reeling. All he cared about what he was meant to do. He was to find the girl and Luke. He was to kill Luke and either bring the girl with him or kill her too. More talk about the Resistance wasn’t something that Kylo intended to participate in, and thinking about his mother and her death only made him nauseous.

He stood there for a moment in his quarters, and something began to nag at him. Whatever was happening between him and Rey wasn’t common, but he knew that they were connected for a reason. To think that after so many years of being completely alone, that someone was now apart of him in some mysterious way, had him feeling confused and self-conscious. He wasn’t able to hear her thoughts, but what if she could hear his? What if she could sense how nervous he was the last couple times in her presence? Or how his heart had almost jumped out his chest the moment she said his birth name? 

Kylo could feel it. It was unfamiliar by now, but you never forgot the feeling of the light. Years of training with Snoke had him wanting to shout out in anger and destroy something or someone, anything to keep it out. But if he kept the light out, that meant keeping Rey out, and fighting the part of her that was linked to him.

Why was this such a hard idea for him to swallow? He hated her and everything she stood for, and she definitely hated him. He had never seen anything but disgust on her face when she was around him.   
Maybe besides yesterday, when she spoke to him so softly right before he tore himself from the dream. He suddenly wished he hadn’t left, that he had stayed longer. 

He swallowed harshly, knowing what he needed to do. He had to learn more about the connection, and he had to end it. There was a sudden ache in his chest at the thought, but he knew that if he continued to see her, to feel her presence and sense her emotions, that she would destroy him. He had to get her out. 

Against his better judgment, he stormed out his quarters and flagged down the first stormtrooper he came across. “Prepare my ship,” He commanded, making his way towards the docking bay.  
“But, sir, there’s-“

Kylo stopped him with a look, and the man nodded quickly before walking briskly down the corridor. He had no idea what he was doing, leaving without so much as a thought of reporting to Snoke with his intentions. He would be punished, of that much he was sure. But he needed to learn more about Rey and their bond. He would never be able to harm her like this, he realized. Not with her in the back of his head. As soon as he’s able to cut her off, he can find them both. Her and Skywalker, and complete his mission. Then things would return to normal. He could live comfortably in the dark again. 

He felt his anxiety spike as he thought about confronting his uncle, and he realized that he wasn’t sure if he was ready. Even though he spent countless years thinking about what he would say or do to the man, his mind was racing and his stomach churned with the idea of facing him. 

When he came to the corridor where the debriefing room was held, he stopped and stared at the set of doors. There would be no going back once he left, Snoke would be furious. Kylo closed his eyes and began to build up his mental defenses, concentrating specifically on trying to keep Snoke out, which in turn meant keeping the dark out. He hadn’t attempted to push the dark away since he was younger and training with Luke, and he had never been particularly successful at it even back then. He knew trying to shut out the dark would hurt him. All the emotions that he felt last night and had carefully contained afterwards would come rushing back like a tidal wave.

He would feel all that guilt, self-loathing, and sadness. But he couldn’t have Snoke knowing his plans and putting an end to them. Or more importantly he couldn’t have Snoke finding out about Kylo’s unique connection with Rey. He would surely use that for his own benefit, and more than likely destroy Kylo himself during the process. 

Noting that he didn’t have time for the kind of focus it took to properly build up his defenses, he gave the doors one last look before walking straight past them and heading towards the docking bay. No one such much as gave him a look once he entered, and sometimes he wondered if half of them even knew who he was without his mask. The stormtrooper who had raced to the docking bay before him was standing idly by the Silencer. He straightened once he saw Kylo approaching. 

“Sir, preparations are complete and the- “ 

Kylo gave a curt nod before walking up the ramp before the man could finish. He had always been impatient, and he needed to leave before he changed his mind, or before Snoke sensed something was wrong. He raised the ramp and headed towards the cockpit, planting himself into the pilot’s chair. 

Sighing softly, he closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. He became aware of the steady rise and fall of his chest, and his mind slowly became blank. The force was moving fluidly around him, and he reached for it, using it to center himself and build walls up around his thoughts and his mind. After what was only a couple minutes, he was satisfied and opened his eyes back up.

He could feel the light bursting through the seams, and along with it came the pain. He looked down at the controls of his ship, his heart begging to be torn from his chest. Without much thought, he put in some coordinates, and left the Supremacy, unsure of what he was doing, and if he really wanted to do it.

\----

By the time Rey had gathered herself and returned to the cluster of huts, it was almost fully dark. She was a lot slower getting back, and her head was still throbbing horribly. Why is he in such pain?   
Rey had been a lonely child, and she was still lonely as an adult. Only recently finding people that she cared about and in turn they cared about her. Many nights she’d lie awake in her AT-AT and cry, feeling so empty inside that she begged for the pain to subside. But it never really did, until she found Finn. 

But his pain, Kylo Ren’s pain, it was heart wrenching. She’d never felt anything like it. She didn’t know much about the force yet, but she was able to block his onslaught of emotions for now. How much longer would she have been able to endure it? 

Chewie and Luke were nowhere to be found, and Rey was happy for it. She took a seat onto the stone bench outside of Luke’s hut and leaned forward, putting her head in her hands. Tomorrow she would start training with Luke, and she needed all the sleep she could get. But a part of her was afraid to fall asleep because what if she had to face him again? After what she felt?

She had felt him, his emotions, his fears, his complete and utter helplessness. It was almost like she was drowning in him, and it was far too intimate for her liking. He had the capacity to keep her out, she knew this, so why did he let her in? Why did he push all of this on her? 

Rey was angry, at him and at the situation they were in together. Would she ever be able to get rid of him? Or would they haunt each other for the rest of their lives?

“You’re troubled.”

Rey sat up in a hurry and blinked wildly, trying to make out the figure in the dark standing in front of her. It was Luke, and he was looking at her curiously, obviously trying to figure her out. “I’m fine,” She replied quickly, trying to hint that she wanted to be alone. 

“There’s something going on that you’re not telling me,” He said, standing completely still except for the slight movement as he pulled his hood down. “I can feel the dark around you, you gave in to it, didn’t you?” There was a sense of disappointment in his voice, but Rey wasn’t sure what he meant.

“If I did it wasn’t on purpose.” She rolled her eyes, turning her head away from him and gazing out at the ocean. There was lightning in the distance, signaling that another storm wasn’t too far off.   
“Rey,” Luke spoke calmly. “You have to be careful. The dark side is tempting, and secretive. You may not know that it’s there, but it is. You must learn to- “

She stood up in a hurry, clenching her fists at her side. “Yes, and you’re going to teach me. I’m being careful, I’ve always been careful. I’m not a child.” She was growing tired of the conversation and just wanted to be back at the Falcon in her bed. 

“You should stay up here,” Luke said almost like he knew her intentions.

“So, you can keep an eye on me? Make sure I don’t become a Sith overnight?” She bit back, realizing that she was being unreasonable but otherwise not caring. He didn’t reply, only watched as she brushed past him and made her way down to the ship. 

She thought about what he said, and wondered if it was Kylo’s darkness he sensed. Was it apart of her now? She felt a little unsettled by that thought and tried to ignore it as she made her way down the winding path to the Falcon. There was a sudden urge to reach out across the force, to try and feel Kylo again, to see if he was still suffering as before. Stopping in her path, she closed her eyes and reached for that specific feeling, the feeling of him and his force signature.

He was there, but barely. She could sense some distress, but nothing like what she had felt before. Focusing a little bit harder, ignoring the headache that was beginning to form in her temples, she realized that he had built up a strong mental block, one that she wouldn’t be able to get past without more training. Letting out a huff of frustration she continued walking to the Falcon until she was climbing the ramp and closing the small door to her cabin.

\----

I had someone say that multiple POVs of the same event are confusing and I definitely agree, but I had already written the beginning of this chapter before taking that into account, so there won’t be any of that from here on out. I decided to have Snoke or Palpatine (which our characters don’t know about yet, remember) start talking to Ben not from birth but at around 6 or 7, just wanted to clarify that. It forever to edit this chapter and it wasn’t my favorite, I’ve been kind of struggling with writing lately. Next chapter should be added in a couple weeks!


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